If there is one topic on social media that won’t go away it is that of girlfriend allowance. I was shocked to learn that something like this existed. When did we get here as a country? I was even more shocked to find out that there are men who have a budget for this. I’ve always asked myself, where are these men? How do you find them?

Does this idea come from the woman or the man? If it’s the man when does he decide his girlfriend needs it? How much money are we talking about here? Or the deeper the pocket, the more money?

We could always use that extra coin especially if we did not have a budget for it, but this allowance, is it an appreciation, or is it like a thank you for being my girlfriend thing? Some guys send their women money for upkeep, some even pay her rent, but a girlfriend allowance? It’s still news to me.

I did my research and found out that a girlfriend allowance is a sum of money a man pays to his girlfriend for her to take care of her monthly expenses. This is like a salary but a salary you haven’t worked for. Isn’t the world getting more interesting? Remember the man in the picture here doesn’t necessarily have to be your man, but a man you kinda have something going on with. 

A guy who believes in this school of thought said he was doing it to show her woman appreciation and to see her do the things she loves to do. He earns a lesser amount than her but he is proud to do it. I asked men whether this is something they are open to and they had mixed reactions. 

Sam revealed that if her woman has certain needs her parents can provide for her without him having to step into the picture. He doesn’t have the money to do so.

My friend Kim revealed that if he is financially stable, he wouldn’t mind giving his girlfriend the allowance. He would want to give it willingly, without her asking for it. And here I thought Kenyan men were the unromantic type. Can I hear an Amen?

“If I had the money I would because this will go a long way in helping her run her errands. You know sometimes our women need money but they can’t ask for it. If you provide her with the money, it will also be a way of appreciating your girlfriend.“

Gideon also feels like women deserve an allowance, but it also depends on where you stand as a couple. How important she is to you and the contribution she has in your life: “You can’t just wake up and give her money unless you are a drug lord. If she is worth it, I’ll give it to her. If not, I won’t.”

Sam who is against the idea states that he believes in empowered women, whose hard work he will appreciate in many ways, but to give her a regular payment as an allowance would make her think that she is entitled to his money.

Brian maintains that if a woman is working, she doesn’t need any allowance because she can support herself. But if she is unemployed, he will chip in and take care of her but not in terms of a girlfriend allowance. Chipping in is not a must he says. 

“I cannot give my girlfriend an allowance. That is wrong on so many levels. People out here are treating relationships like business opportunities. Being a girlfriend is not an occupation. What am I paying for? A relationship? Love? Or am I paying her to become mine? It doesn’t make sense.” Argues Kevin. 

He went ahead to dispute that you can pay her the allowance and she’ll still cheat on you or even worse leave you someone with a fatter allowance.

From my discussion with men, I realized that most of them don’t have an issue paying their ladies a monthly allowance save for those who see it as extortion. I asked the ladies if they were okay with receiving it and most were comfortable with it as long as the guys were comfortable with the idea too. This tells you how much women don’t prioritize money in a relationship as men allege.

“It’s not a must for a man to give you a girlfriend allowance. This thing is for capable men. We cannot drain every guy trying to get an allowance. Most men don’t have their heads above the water. It is not far-fetched but it isn’t also for everyone” says Lola.

Joy doesn’t know what to make of the allowance story but says stuff like upkeep and salon money should at least be provided, though it’s not mandatory.

Malika doesn’t support this because she feels the man will have control over you and things might not end well if he asks you to refund the money he spent on you.

“Women need to enter into relationships or agreements with an independent mentality. Yes, the man will provide but he’ll also put a leash on you. You won’t be able to do some things or go out as you used to. How many women have been killed because of things going south in such situations? Or the guy suspects you have an affair? They’ll hurt you because they think they own you. It’s not worth it.”

My friend Lilian feels this is the most foreign thing she has ever heard. “I can’t relate, but I feel like it shouldn’t be labelled as an allowance. If I earn more than my man and the most he can do is take me out once in a while, I think that’s okay. Relationships are about love and a man’s main love language should be provision. If he caters to my needs it’s okay. It doesn’t have to trickle down into an allowance. I feel it’s restrictive for men.”

They say you can’t eat love and that’s true. Money is important in a relationship. I mean, who doesn’t love to travel with their spouse, visit new places and try new dishes? You get to enjoy the finer things in life, together. 

Money helps you plan a financial future together and also gives you the power to leave an abusive or toxic relationship. It’s sad but many times women have been stuck in bad relationships because of money. 

So, does money make a relationship better and stronger? This is a subject of discussion, but even love feeds on money. It adds sparks to the fire. Despite its importance, it’s unfortunate that we live in a generation obsessed with materialistic things. 

Relationships have become sort of transactional. Like I love you but if you scratch my back, I will scratch yours too. Regardless of the warmth it brings, money shouldn’t run a relationship. A relationship’s foundation shouldn’t be built on money because what happens when a guy loses his job or if he isn’t in a position to provide anymore? Do you love him less? Do you leave him for someone who can meet your needs?

As a woman, it is important to be financially independent because you cannot rely on someone’s money. If your man is financially stable if he is okay with giving you an allowance whether you work or not, is there a reason you should say no?

Now the problem comes in when he is not your man. I’m not here to be a moral cop and tell you what you can and cannot accept from a man who is not your boyfriend, but you need to be careful and smart about it. This money will have strings attached and there will be expectations and favours that need to be given in return.

So ladies, let’s not give our men unnecessary pressure for the allowance or bask in the sun as we wait for them to send the cash. We all have hands, we can work and maybe someday in the future, we will be expected to send our boyfriends, boyfriend allowance. But in the meantime, can we eat the allowances or at least find someone who can send us one?

Read: Is It Time We Went Back To Arranged Marriages?