It’s unfortunate that more often than not we tend to attach our value and that of our relationships to being introduced to a man’s friend or family. Because of the narratives we have created in our heads, we will assume this is the final step before they go down on their knees and end our misery and relentless pursuit of searching for the one or wondering if we were meant to die alone.
At one point, we have consumed materials that read, sure signs a man loves you. But sis, sometimes, not even a ring can give you surety. And amid all this certainty and uncertainty lies the man’s friends. A dangerous species and a weapon formed against you that will ultimately prosper. You are better off reaching into your own heart and breaking it into two than interacting with them. Here’s why.
They Are Liars.
There is a universally crafted speech that these men read from. And whatever they’ll say is not anything they haven’t said before. They have dished out the same information to the ones who were before you and will do the same to the others who will come after you thinking they’ve found their soulmate.
They’ll tell you they haven’t seen their friend that happy in a long time (lie). You cook unbelievably delicious food (really?). Of late their friend has had an unavoidable glow (lie). He has never had a beautiful girlfriend like you (his ex was a model). He has never considered settling down but now he is (can you see the obvious?)
And you might think your man is different from the rest, but what do they say about birds of the same feather? The only thing you can expect from a liar is lies and disappointment. Unless of course he’s involved in an accident and experiences his ‘my life flashed before my eyes moment’ and realizes he hasn’t been a good man. Or doesn’t because men’s brains are wired differently.
They Know You Are Being Played.
I remember when I used to cook for Mr. H and his friends when they came to visit. I’d go above and beyond to make sure everyone was well-fed. I even made water for them from scratch. Talk about looking for approval and validation! I’d feel as if I had become the woman of the house not knowing, I was there when other women weren’t. Even after I had come across clothes, earrings, toothbrushes, and everything else a woman might leave at her boyfriend’s place.
And the friends loved me. They’d tell H I was a good woman (whatever that means) and good women are hard to find. They showered me with praise, every time we met. One even admired my faithfulness and resilience and that’s when it hit me that they knew I wasn’t the only one. I was so ashamed of myself, I wanted to vanish into the thin air. Maybe they’d even laugh after our encounter wishing I knew better.
And while this might not be their truth to tell, don’t you think it’s low of them to participate in the circus? Unfortunately, they play along with your illusion before your self-esteem drops back to zero and it takes years of falling for emotionally unavailable men and going to therapy to love yourself.
Their Loyalty Is To Their Friend Not You.
They don’t owe you anything and maybe the reason they are being friendly is that they don’t want you to feel bad about yourself. They might make you feel special or feel like the chosen one but it’s a game they’ve gotten good at.
Remember all the times you called to ask about his whereabouts because he wasn’t picking up his calls and they lied they hadn’t seen him? They were together. But of course, you know the bro code, bros before who? No one can come between their lies and friendship. Not even you, madam chef.
So, if you are out there thinking your man’s friends are your friends, it’s time to open your eyes. Who knows if they’ll rejoice when you are heartbroken and claim that you used to put a lot of spices in the food or that you always cooked raw ugali?
While Karma might have gotten tired of doing revenge. I pray that someday they have diarrhea from the food they ate years ago and for their mouths to suddenly appear at the back of their heads because they are liars.
